Have you ever wondered if you went too far when you said or did something? You know your thought process was right, based in what you believe, but that maybe, at the time, expressing it wasn't the best idea. It's that old saying "just because you can, doesn't mean you should." I was feeling like that the last two days, and so this morning I decided to be introspective. Maybe I should take down what I posted. Make it unavailable to the public for now, while emotions are raw. Before doing that, I wanted to dig deep into why I felt that way. We often react from a place of emotion, not a place of reasoned thought. I won't say I wasn't feeling some strong emotions when I wrote my latest "issues blog". I know I was, but were those emotions so overwhelming that I didn't stop to think whether or not I should actually put what I wrote out into the world. The internet is forever, you know.
My deep introspection led me to realize that I am more driven by outside influences than I thought. Every single thing I wrote (and I've read it multiple times), is true. I didn't use big words, or focus on sentence structure. I wasn't trying out to be a journalist or blogger somewhere. I was writing what I think and feel about the current situation. A week later, I still feel the same. So then, why was I doubting myself? Why was I considering removing something I felt was important enough at the time that I spent two hours putting it together?
Simple. Everyone around me was doing and saying the exact opposite of what I had posted. Even if not the exact opposite, they were all trying to be, I guess what we would term as, reasonable. I cannot even begin to assume I know what is in other people's hearts. That's something only God can do, and honestly, it's not my responsibility to worry about that. I'm going to choose to believe that, like me, it's how they really feel. However, how they FEEL shouldn't be able to change what I believe. No on has offered concrete proof to dissuade me from belief that I am not inherently racist simply because I was born white. I do not live under a cloud of white privilege, and I wasn't born under one either. No one, no matter their skin color, should have to apologize for something they had no control over.
We used to tell people, regularly, that it's not what happens to you, but how you handle it, that is the mark of your character. I know we don't say that anymore but it's still true. I choose not to think I'm better than others. Actually, I know I'm not. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." That's a fact. God doesn't put a race barrier on that statement. We are all fallen human beings who screw up, and we do it more than any of us would like to admit. But at the end of the day, God's grace is extended just as equally to all skin colors. God made us all equals, in His sight. That's how I choose to live my life. So what I wrote wasn't wrong, or even insensitive. It was simply, the truth.
I don't need to walk it back because everyone else is trying to be reasonable. I don't need to walk it back because all of my friends and most of my family have suddenly decided they live in white privilege. If you truly live like that, and I don't believe they do, but if you do, then you need to have some serious conversations with God. One where you start by asking why people had to burn cities down, ruin livelihoods and kill people before you realized it. It should never take riots for us to address our personal failings. Racism, white privilege... they are personal failings, not institutional ones.
I will not be taking my post down anytime soon.
